Live with intent, take time, have patience and gain a new perspective. See how having a relationship with your teen can change both of your lives. Say goodbye to status-quo.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

She's Not My Friend

Spring Break 2010

Her Sweet 16 2011

After one of her plays in 2010

After one of her plays in 2009

A Fair in Michigan 2008

Streets of Milwaukee 2011

Mother's Day 2011

Michigan 2010

Streets of Hastings 2008

Vacation 2011

Family Reunion 2011

Ok, this isn't entirely true. But you'll see my point.

I'm an extremely reflective, authentic, intentional human being. I think we
were all created to be this way, but along the way nature/nurture messed
it up for us. Apparently not for me because I long for human connection,
I hunger for community and shared fellowship.

I have another blog called Contemplating Beauty, and over at that blog
I try to share with the world all that I think is beautiful. It could be from a
simple cup of coffee in the morning shared with a bird singing,
or it could be a smile from my teenager.
I find beauty in
EVERYthing. I can't help myself. It's how I see life and God's creation.

Something I've been reflecting on lately is how I've messed up quite a few times
when I've mistaken my daughter as my friend (and even her friends) as
my friend.
I can use the word "friend" loosely, and sure, my daughter is my friend
and her friends are my friends.
But she is not my friend first.

Of course the thought has occurred to me before, my daughter is 16, and
I am always hearing stories or being warned by people saying, (in a deeper voice)-
"Make sure you aren't friends with her first now ya hear, that's a mistake a lot
of parents are making these days, they want to be friends with their kids,
you have to be her disciplinary and her parent first."

For some reason when I was washing my hair tonight the thought again occurred to me--"Gee, I was trying to be her friend then" OR "Darn it, I shouldn't have shared THAT with her
that one time...."
It was highlighted to me the areas in where I did try to gain her friendship; such as
telling her about something in my marriage, or acting like I fit in with her friends by
jumping in on their conversations (

I believe it comes down to the fact that because I am a reflective person and I want
to keep growing and never become complacent that I think on such things as this.
If something doesn't feel quite right in a situation, conversation or happening, I
always always look back on it, contemplate, if you will, and search for what made it
feel "off". I dig deeper in essence, so I can bring something better, new, more mature, or
possibly even beautiful next time around.
In all my interactions, not just with my teenager.

I believe it is our responsibility as human beings to reach for this. To be aware of
where there might be some chaos brewing, or where we are missing the mark and remedy it so we can be more whole
people for the ones we love.

My daughter doesn't need anymore friends, she's got plenty, and their her own age!

I need to resist those times that I want to share certain things with her, or be a part of
her conversations with her friends.
I know being a young Mom can contribute to
some of this confusion. It's easier to cross the line for both of us. Because she has to
remember too that I am not her friend (first).


  1. Oh Gina...I love this blog too! This post brought tears as I have a nineteen year old daughter who I absolutely treasure...her departure for college last year made me realize I had blurred the lines....this summer I was able to joyfully spend time with her...all the while remembering my place.

    What a true gift your blog is...your honest voice and celebration of family....thank you, thank you!

  2. So true! I have heard this said many times, but I have a feeling already that it may be something I have to keep in check as my daughter gets older! Great blog! Going to check our your other one right now too!